Jahresdauer
26.01.25 Gartenbaukino
Me, Carina, Nico and Simon were watching “Burnt Offerings” 1976 at the cinema, a very campy horror movie. It was more disturbing in some scenes, rather than scary. A family is being possessed by an old house that rejuvenates itself every time something bad happens to its tenants.
A Filmcritic described Oliver Reeds look in the film as “aubergine” and I would add to that and say “sweating aubergine”.
On the way home the sudden appearance of a homeless man, who was mumbling words to himself, jump-scared me. I did a little sprint, but then I thought that that poor man was probably harmless. But better to be safe than sorry. I went to bed at 2 am.
The next morning I realize that another one of the decorative jewels of my silver italian leather shoes is missing :(.
29.01.25
The Paper Towel
The paper towel. The pink evening light. The music from the other room. The entanglement of the electrical cords. Life..
30.01.25
On the 5th floor of my house lives a man that looks like the Austrian author and Essayist Franz Schuh. I only met him a few times. He is very large and has a walking cane. Every time we meet, we meet on the elevator and it is quite narrow.
I love his aura, it's warm and welcoming. A Santa from Meidling.
Familiar strangers are a beautiful thing, if they are nice. I like exchanging a motivating and hearty “have a wonderful day!” and mean it.
Love on the U6 Line (on the benches)
Is it a coincidence? What does the universe want to tell me? Two are a coincidence, three are a pattern. They were all on benches. Something similar recently happened when I noticed a lot of pregnant women in one day.
13.02.2025
Music in the Lobby
I am very tired and cranky, I changed my bedsheets for 20 minutes.
There was an opening at the Volksbank for the 40 year anniversary of Artists Unlimited. With baked goods as finger food. There was an amazing band “Beauchamp & Geissler” from Vienna! The singer even lives in my neighborhood there, in Meidling! I guess, I can’t escape Vienna.
They were so good, I felt energized again!
17.02.25
Presentation Day
Me & others from Artists Unlimited were getting interviewed and filmed for an online magazine. I was very nervous and I don’t even know anymore if what I said even made sense. But they said, they will edit everything together in a good way.
And now I am here drawing while I wait for my zoom presentation to start at the vienna poetry school. I am muted and can observe everyone in the audience, for example Nico, Ivan, Vinz, Lenz and Moni. My window to Vienna.
21.02.2025
Studiovisit by dog Monsieur Pouf and Dano.
I am reading about Anna Oppermann and about drawing as a medium:
Drawing as an elementary, direct action, the primal form of communication. Drawing, which is to be seen as just a draft, as a precursor to another medium (painting).
Lars and Angelika gave me books about Oppermann, her Drawings and “Ensembles” that look like installation shrines.
26.02.2025 The University of Bielefeld
The University of Bielefeld is, simultaneously, like a:
- University-machine
- Markethall
- Knowledge Factory
- Train Station
- City within a City
Could it be one of the biggest university buildings in Europe?
28.02.2025 Berlin Südkreuz
Shortly after midnight a man plays piano at the station Berlin Südkreuz below palm trees.
I was at the bar “Resonanz” and played Yahtzee with Paul, Till & Sophie.
01.03.2025
I was at the GDR museum with Mike to get a feel for the patina, for the reality of life in that place back then. For example people used to squat at broken down apartments, report themselves in order to get a registration for this apartment.
Now I’m on the train back to Bielefeld and there are lots of mistletoes in the trees around Wolfsburg.
02.03.2025 Milestone
My first big Magazinecover in Germany! The Süddeutsche Zeitung Magazin!
I think I never got this many congratulations, not even for my graphic novel Auerhaus, but it is a milestone after all.
Appendix
My mother has a play with her teachers theater group called “Lehrgut”, the play “Utopia of Happiness/Luck”. I’m missing the final showing because I’m in Berlin. But they used my Süddeutsche Magazin Cover as a prop in a scene on stage, so my mom says, indirectly I was there.
03.02.2025 I Am Running Out Of Primer White
I have primed a new painting with primer white. It should fit perfectly in this rounded wallspace at the bar of the gallery.
04.04.2025 Life Insurance
Right now I am reading “Life Insurance” by Kathrin Bach. I just had to buy the book in Berlin, because of the insurance topic, which fascinates me. The books protagonist is a young girl whose parents are the only insurance brokers in their village. Their life is ordered in chapters of different kinds of insurances and the writing is like impressions, little memory pieces, sometimes in the form of lists. I really like it. Just the blue font is a bit hard to get used to.
The beauty of West-German Tristesse.
06.03.2025
My dear Artist Unlimited neighbor Timo brought me a little marble cake in the evening. I was touched!
07.03.2025
Purchased a strange embroidered poodle picture at the thrift store for 2,50 €.
09.03.2025
Overheard intimate conversations at the REWE grocery store: one man said to another “ yeah, at first she claimed that she “just” needed somebody to talk to …” but then more things unfolded…
Before that I was at Ravensberger Park, sat next to the waitress on her break, enjoying the sun. We looked at a wienerdog whose leash got tangled up again and again at the rocks. (The leash had many knots) The Cappuccino I drank unfortunately gave me a headache and I took 3 Aspirin that day.
12.03.2025
woke up and every possible type of email came raining down immediately.
- rejection
- advertising
- request
- request (urgent)
13.03.2025
I wanted to find a mixer for papermache, but unfortunately I only found this hat (at Brockensammlung Bethel) at the second hand store. I bought jeans that are too small for me. Then I telephoned Jolanda who wants to come visit me on Monday.
I witnessed some screaming drunks at the Aldi parking lot.
15.03.2025 Opening at the Kunsthalle
Lars Rosenbohm (my dear studio neighbor) had, amongst others his opening at Kunsthalle Bielefeld with his exhibition “There are Possibilities so true and untrue”. It was very special to me to see these works hanging in this institution, museum, after seeing them first in their native studio home.
Lars works have this playful levity between abstract and figurative. I often see hinting of gestures, of movement. Why do these forms invoke feelings of tenderness and humor? Those are those true and untrue possibilities.
Monster Chetwyn and her group had this performance that had this John Waters like quality, also like a Masked Singer dating show. Absurd and good. One of the performancers did a cartwheel on high heels!
16.03.2025 Hardware Store
I often want to cry at the hardware store. I often feel like a featherless small bird at them. I have to ask these ill-tempered men where to find things (like screws)! But not today!
I buy things for Sophie Meyerhoffs recommended papermache recipe.
- PVA glue
- industrial filler
- toilet paper
- flour
- babyoil
17.03.2025 Cosmic Fabric Horror
In the mall “LOOM” in the Bielefeld downtown is decorated with megalomanic A.I. Images on the walls: for some reason they show giant factory halls with giant red fabric monstrosities. Around them are enthusiastic model ladies also clad in red dresses. They seem enchanted by the giant textile.
(are they in a fabric cult?)
These pictures are printed in a low resolution and plastered in a giant manner. Often I get this feeling that looking at A.I. like this is the visual equivalent of touching oil on plastic. And these red fabrics evoke the feeling of cosmic horror inside of me.
18.03.2025 22.000 Steps
Jolanda was visiting me and we walked 22.000 steps through Bielefeld. Old town, Kesselbrink, Ravensberger Park, Castle Sparrenburg. In the park I said: You bring the good weather with you! Jolanda replied: That’s such a German thing to say!
I am now at that age where I feel at home in these sorts of phrases.
Late that evening we go to the Extra Blues Bar. We were blessed by a drunk regular. He brought us a candle:”Mary the light always shine on you!”
I take that as a good omen.
19.03.2025
I made a paper puppet for the group show of my painting class (Eislerklasse) “Geppetto Syndrom” at Pilot Space Vienna. The puppet is supposed to sink into a black hole. This hole is made out of black acrylic paint, that I put all over that poor little guy. I hope it will all dry in time for my train ride to Vienna (it didn’t).
20.03.2025 Cringe Mountain
Just as expected my train journey back to Vienna was long and arduous and full of delays. At Bielefeld main station I saw a Ski Aggu as a small dog.
I listen to a podcast about Lena Dunham, in which the phrase “throwing yourself at cringe mountain” is mentioned. To expose yourself to uncomfortable things in order to grow.
21.03.2025 Nextcomic Linz
The Nextcomic comicfestival was opened by a group of local breakdancers.
For a short interview by the ORF Upper-austria I had to walk very slowly towards my Auerhaus comic pages on the wall while being filmed.
At the Kapu Stefan shows his magic card tricks to Sarah.
23.03.2025 Heindlgasse
I am going to an estate of Helmut G. with Nico in Ottakring. A stately viennese house entrance. It smells of urin. Everything is wood-paneled. Everything is full of books and CDs. Lots of philosophy. Later Martin E. joins us.
From the documents we could conclude that Helmut had studied philosophy in the 90s, then suffered from a brain organic psychosyndrome (I don’t know what that is exactly).
Text: “Diary of an average childless married couple. Wed.,1.1. migraine, TV watching, fucking, sleeping.”
There were ceramics. He looked like a less fat, straight haired Hermes Phettberg type. I was awe-struck by his (we don’t know if he really made them for certain) “written drawings” :
Rear Window. /Window looking at courtyard.
windowwindowwindow // yardyardyard, etc.
25.03.2025 Hollerei Gallery
Barbara Tunkowitsch and Emma Kling have their opening at the Hollerei gallery.
There were many familiar faces:
Barbara, Emma, Leo H., Max, Leo L., Jesaja, Rahel, Mafalda, Seo, Luzie, Clemens, Nico, Carina, Simone, Lorenz, Lisa, Sophia, Marcus, Simon, Stefan, Janka, Masa, Baurjan, Titania, Moene, Lina
Dr. Volkmar K., an avid collector, is a known figure in the viennese Art- Book and Comicscene, often seen with his briefcase. This evening as well.
There were forest motifs in this exhibition and some people wore green clothes, matching the art.
26.03.2025 2 Observations
- The hangers in the Hollerei restaurant looked like Powerrangers or a Jeanie.
- I was on different trains for over 20 hours this week, including this one.
27.03.25
When I’m out and about with my parents in Göttingen and they come across people like colleagues or from old parent groups and they end up talking about their kids, who have proper jobs like engineering or lawyering, I feel a bit bad about being a poor artist without a stable income. (my parents are supportive, it’s in my head entirely)
The exhaustion is getting to me and I try to take different vitamins to prevent a cold from happening. (unsuccessful)
29.03.25 Decoder
Yesterday “Decoder” from 1984 was playing at the Off Kino here.
F.M. Einheit (from Einstürzende Neubauten), Christiane F., even William S. Burroughs. A campy plot about a fast food chain who tries to mind control consumers via tape recordings.
30.03. 2025 I want to paint!
I want to paint!
I want to be healthy and paint! I am sweating out this cold, Yesssirr!!
The ginger tea is afraid of me.
31.03.2025
Before I wanted to go outside, the sun was shining.
When I went outside it immediately started to rain. ( I am going back home quickly)
As soon as I am home again, the sun shines again.
Putting the Clock Forward
My father has a particular sleep rhythm, he goes to sleep at 2 or 3am, then he sleeps again in the afternoons for a few hours.
Because of this, he tells me over the phone, he witnessed the summer time switch over live. 2 am became 3 am.
“Now they are stealing an hour from us again” he remarks.
01.04.2025
- I wrote a to-do list
- was overwhelmed by the sheer number of things I had to do
- first order of the day was laying down again
02.04.2025 Ducks in the Yard
Ducks have made their nest on a balcony at Artists Unlimited. Sometimes one can see them in the morning in the yard. Today Timo has discovered half of an duck egg.
03.04.2025
Today I am painting the MDF wood plates that I got yesterday with Timo white, at least one sided. They are supposed to be giant Notebook pages. That’s what I am planning.
06.04.2025
After showering I had to grapple with the fact that my shower curtain had twisted and thus a lot of water had flown to the bathroom floor. Yeah, maybe, flooded.
Almost out the door… but contained with a critical mass of towels.
07.04.2025
For the paper mache clay sculpture I am mixing dissolved toilet paper, PVA glue, baby oil, industrial filler with flour. I get flour from my neighbor Anglika.
It’s like a dough and I am applying it like spending butter. Its like baking a cake.
Yesterday night I was startled by the silhouette of the sculpture in the moonlight of the studio.
08.04.2025 Tired
After many hours of painting and wrangling the sculpture wire I have to hang my laundry. It's my own fault.
09.04.2025 Greasy Hair
3 days after the last hair wash, my hair is super greasy. I could rub the pan on my scalp. And fry some eggs in that pan afterwards.
12.04.2025 Crack-Cocain
Taking a walk, listening to music and drinking iced latte macchiato in the sun is my crack cocain!
13.04.2025 I Hired a Contract Killer
Yesterday I watched "I hired a contract Killer" with Christine, Dano and Danos dog Pouf. Jean-Pierre Leaud plays a depressive man who wants to kill himself but can't, so he hires a contract killer to finish the job. But after falling in love he changes his mind.
Now I really want to watch more Aki Kaurismäki Movies. Christine got a signed jean jacket from Kaurismäki.
Joe Strummer has a cameo in the movie! He is accompanied by a bongo player.
18.04.2025 Traces
I really like all the traces of the other guest artists left here in the studio: paint, dried glue, two artists marked their heights at the doorframe.
Like them I will leave my traces in Bielfeld, at Artists Unlimited. For example airbrush dust and a lots of specks of white primer fluid.
19.04.2025 There is a Tupac statue in front of MARTA Museum in Herford.
21.04.2025 Easy Fitness
-Ahmed, this is hard!
-Life is hard!
22.04.2025 Hanging the Exhibition
At 5 PM we are 80 percent done with the hanging of my Exhibition „Werktag“ (Workday) at the Artists Unlimited Gallery. It is taking a form.
*Doink.*
- Oh, that one is crooked!
With little time pressure and with the right people hanging an exhibition can even be fun!
Everything comes together and suddenly makes sense.
- Wow
23.04.2025 Friedrich-Ebers-Strasse
- Can somebody please stab me?! Please!!
25.04.2025
“Workday” exhibition at Artists Unlimited Today!
26.04.2025
Yesterday at the exhibition I met Norbert, an artist who is part of a club of rollercoaster enthusiasts. They travel around the whole world to experience different rollercoaster rides.
Conor has gifted me flowers, Christine and Dano an orchid!
27.04.2025
According to the list there were over 1000 visitors at the artists unlimited gallery. I was standing secretly in the corner to watch them. They walked around my giant notebook object like water churning around a mill. (The space was small)
- They are sure milling!
It was not the usual art crowd, more the average Bielefelder. I watched four finance bros taking a selfie in front of one of my paintings. Surreal.
-Yeahh
29.04.2025
Everybody is busy doing something for the Open doors, so is Lars:
(he carries a giant painting wrapped in bubblewrap)
30.04.2025
Yesterday I was at Obersee with Conor, the only lake in Bielefeld (it’s artificial)
-Hey look there is the duck docking station!
01.05.2025
Shortly before I saw that van with “Spätzle with soul” I saw a very fat rat, two streets down the block.
-Who is that man?
03.05.2025 Open Doors
I am on edge tomorrow today is Open Doors, I have to clean up and run some last errands!
04.05.2025 Open Doors II
Fabian Thüroffs “The Kiss” is a culinary performance, in the Stone Age humans would feed babies and old people by chewing dood and “kissing” them.
He made like a German version of hummus with lentils and beans as a paste.
We went up to the roof and looked down into the A.U. backyard:
a green oasis in Bielefeld!
05.05.2025 Deinstalling A.U.
My parents, Conor, Tim and Timo helped me to deeinstall my exhibition. Especially Conor helped with taking apart the paintings from the stretchers.
Tomorrow is the last day, I am not yet realizing it yet fully! The studio is empty except for the big ladder.
I did a comic reading of this very newsletter diary comic (meta, wow) yesterday as the closing event for the Artists Unlimited Open Doors. Reading my Bielefeld diary was funny, as most of the protagonists were sitting in the audience of the off kino, which was the perfect place for this reading!
But I do lose control over my body a little bit every time I do a comic reading.
My legs fidget, I change positions, but whatever, it was great!
Now I am looking forward to my next reading.
06.05.2025 Goodbye Dinner Artists Unlimited
-I will not make a scene here because you will come back to Bielefeld anyway!
-You’re right!
08.05.2025 Goodbye
We won’t see each other again until June.
-Oh man!
09.05.2025
I am really exhausted and that’s really showing on my face.
-Will I get to see the ocean this year?
10.05.2025
I am sitting on the floor of the train, but at least it’s in the first class.
When I am coming back everything is different.
11.05.2025
Let’s first arrive in this place again. It is not so easy.
I am suffering from PMS.
How nice is this urination crescent shape of this dog sign at Meidlinger market??
12.05.2025 At my Dentists
“Smile Into the World and It Will Smile Back”
13.05.2025 Then I put my finger too deeply into my bellybutton and that felt wrong. Freaky!
-Endless innie button!
14.05.2025
-I calmed down and now I don’t feel this diary entry anymore. Who is this person, who wrote it?
15.05.2025 Jasmin and Me in the U4
-Did your furniture smile at you? That can be a nice thing when you come back into your apartment after a long time.
-hmmm, maybe!
16.05.2025 First Day of Fanzineist
I am meeting Carina and Ivan outside of Semperdepot, smoking.
-At Aida (viennese Cafe franchise which is all pink) you have to have a past to eat their cakes. Aida is like watching “Am Schauplatz” (an Austrian crime/reality documentary series).
(don’t remember how we got to this conversation topic)
17.05.2025 Talking on the phone to dad
-So, did you encounter someone who says strange things again?
-What? huh?
-Well, in your newsletter comic, I have the feeling that you always seem to meet people who say the most curious things.
-Well, maybe that happens to you too, you just don’t notice it.
-Noo, I have a sense for the particular, the curiosity.
-Ok, Well then!
18.05.2025
I installed black out roller blinds: Win!
I accidentally smashed a jar of peanut butter: Lose!
Yesterday two Americans from Greenfield, Massachusetts told me about their yearly Kate Bush Wuthering heights dance event, where they all wear red!
19.05.2025 Portrait of the artist as a glass of water being spilled:
-Hey!
20.05.2025
I am optimizing my sleeping environment : new mattress, two blackout blinds. Why didn’t I do it years ago?
-Sleepmaxxing!
21.05.25 Final Destination 6
Yesterday I watched Final Destination Bloodlines at the movies, it was absurd and a lot of fun! In one scene the magnetics of an MRI machine is so strong that it rips out one characters nipple piercing. There are several deadly Rube-Goldberg machine situations. As it should be in a F.D. movie.
-Ouch!
Now the season begins again where I leave sweat stains on subway seats, I just sweat easily and a lot and the seats are plastic, okay??
23.05.2025 Argentinierstraße 47
I gave my painting for the exhibition Monday to OeGeC and to dog Willy.
24.05.2025
A work from Veronika Abigail Beringer was installed in the little river, a painted flowing fabric.
I went to Puchberg am Schneeberg in Lower Austria, where Luzie was part of a group show at Kunstraum Konrad. Nico was there and also Laura so when we went back to Vienna together on the regiotrain with Luzie it had a school/uni class trip vibe :)
25.05.2025
Yesterday in the regiotrain I overheard the following conversation:
-don’t you think they’ll have children soon?
-yes, we can only hope, that’s what they both want. But those two don’t have sex at the moment.
-why?
-they have this small dog that sleeps between them in their bed.
27.05.2025
An Italian from Bologna comes by the 90s Vienna comics exhibition, by chance. She is wearing gummy bear earrings! She buys my mini-kuš! the Big Spill. What a coincidence!
28.05.2025
I am reading comics at Literaturhaus Vienna. The audience is more reserved than at Artists Unlimited, of course. But afterwards I got positive feedback.
Simon, an old friend came. Which delighted me since he rarely leaves his apartment usually. He is going out into the world again.
-Comic people are peculiar!
-The only peculiar one is you!
It suddenly rained cats and dogs. There is a general air of hesitation in the space.
-maybe another 10 minutes!
Because everybody is transporting valuable paper goods (comics)!
29.05.2025 Tivoligasse
I walk past the empty "Elektro-Gorgo" store.
ELEKTRO EMOTION (a few steps further on)
An old man looks down on the street from his first story window.
I was startled for a second
I wonder if there still will be old people looking at the street from their windows all day .... Because we (younger generations) only look at screens. Or if the window - looking-gene will kick in at some point?
31.05.2025
In Memoriam
Yesterday while cooking I made the wrong move and catapulted a piece of paprika…
… all the way into the corner hole between stove and fridge, into the deepest depths of my kitchen.
Here new paprica cultures could grow and cultivate new mold creatures.
01.06.2025
Yesterday the Leibinger comic book prize application took up the whole day and i talked a lot on the phone with the writer mike. It was a bit complicated to send.
It was my mother’s birthday so I phoned her and just then she was cutting my dad’s hair.
02.06.2025 Bad Gastein
Bad Gastein looks like a Wes Anderson backdrop.
It starts raining and the painting class sings:
FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN NO ONE ELSE CAN FEEL It for you ONLY You CAN LET IT IN
NO ONE ELSE
NO ONE ELSE
03.06.2025 Bad Gastein 2 with guest artist Leo Hasslinger
The waterfall is a monster and roars through the village.
old minerals are being sweat out and new ones drip in.
04.06.2025 Bad Condition
I get made aware of my terrible cardio hiking condition. Most of the people go up the mountain easily. Even though its steep. Me, Fuko, Nikolija (because of a mix of headache, etc) are the last ones.
-how did I ever have fun at hiking??
I give up at the middle of the way up and me and Fuko (who needs to catch her bus) go back down on the Ski lift, Nikolija goes on all the way to the mountain top.
Absolutely exhausted i was laying on the apartments deck/terrace.
In the Regio 3 to Salzburg: I feel better when I’m drawing right now.
05.06.2025 My mom had a genius idea.
For the angewandte festival I needed two small paintings that were in my parents basement in Göttingen. conors train from Bielefeld to Göttingen made a two minute stop at the Göttingen trainstation during which my mom would stand at the perfectly right train wagon door and hand over the package with paintings!
It actually worked!
06.06.2025
Swans at the „Arbeiterinnenstrand“ (womenworkers’ beach at Danube)
07.06.2025
At 14.40 it rains a lot, cloudburst, I am running to Café Rüdigerhof.
A little later and soaking wet from the rain Conor arrives from the record store. We drink Soda Zitron (sparkling water with lemon) and eat pancakes and Kaiserschmarrn (Austrian scrambled pancake with plums).
08.06.2025
I didn’t write down the name of the artist and I don’t remember, it was at mumok, 4th floor.
We watched women on the verge of a nervous breakdown, where there is a telephone just being thrown around wildly.
It was very good!
09.06.2025
At Prater, Restaurant Schweizerhaus
Yes, I want to draw the metaphysical essence of an object, for example this beer glass itself, that’s not so easy though.
-Behind us a women feeds her chihuahua that’s on her lap
- then we each drew our own beer glasses.
11.06.2025
My post station only has 1.8 stars on Google. Probably because the three women who run it are pretty unfriendly. One time I accidentally forgot my ID there. I was looking for it everywhere, in panic. Then I returned to the post station and the woman behind the counter, as if it’s nothing, pulled up a huge stack of IDs and drivers licenses, apparently people forget them there all the time. I am not an exception!
12.062025
Just now at Spar (supermarket) I saw a man holding a phone playing a video up to his Pomeranian puppy and speaking to it in a calming voice. Are puppies becoming a new class of i-Pad babies?
Janka and Alina exhibited some works at the “Schmeckts” festival at Gartenabukino. The festival was supposed to include “Culinary art, art, Cinema and Music”, so it was confusing what exactly it was. As confusing as the concept was, a huge crowd of young people came.
(dialogue with Maša in English above)
14.06.2025
Leo R. reminded me of my side quest idea in which I wanted to explore every branch of my gym franchise “FITINN” in Vienna. As per a lack of time and energy I had let that slide by the wayside. Today I went to an unknown gym in the 3rd district, Dietrichgasse. There I saw a man that looked like Volodymyr Zelensky, who was carrying a watermelon and a bouquet of flowers.
I hope he brought some joy to a person that he loves.
15.06.2025
To escape all lower vices (online shopping, pornography and doomscrolling) I was resolute on going for a walk.
Soon then I will go to the Haydn Cinema to watch Mission Impossible.
16.06.2025
(SPOILER ALERT) Yesterday Tom Cruise banned an evil AI that wanted to destroy the world on an USB Stick.
It was glowing.
Today I am going to the Viktoria Space to see the Finissage of Marta Beauchamp and to meet Maike from Bielefeld. Bielewelt reunion!
Marta made experimental sounds with pipes/tubes.
17.06.2025
Janka and Nikolija Hand their diploma exams today, I will miss them a lot at Uni.
(here I tried to draw the cats from Jankas film Dry food)
At the escalator at Meidling translation I noticed a tattoo “Sorry Muddan”. What did it mean? Who is Muddan? When I googled Muddan, a World of Warcraft druid came up as a result. Or is it about the persons mother?
18.06.2025
I tried to shorten a nice Linen pant with scissors and now I look like an unemployed pirate.
-what did I do?
Yesterday I ended a phone conversation with Conor at exactly 1 percent Akku and 1 second after ending the call my phone went dead.
-ciao
19.06.2025 Café Sperl
Lina and me looked at diploma exhibitions at the Academy of Fine Arts and went to Cafe Sperl afterwards. There one can find some very viennese waiters. One of them started talking to us about his job:
-Oh but I am not a “server” just because I bring people things! I can speak my mind against the customers…
-I thought people come to expect “Schmäh” (banter/talking back) in Vienna?
-Nah, it’s becoming less and less, a total tragedy! “Schmäh” is dying!
20.06.2025
Just as i wanted to relax on the park lounger a father and his toddler came to sit on the other side even though there were plenty of unoccupied loungers in the park. Irritated i walked away.
I then saw a cat on a net secured balcony with a beautiful fur pattern. A little bit of a jail vibe.
22.06.2025 Moth stays over
Every night I open the window to let in some cool air, moths come in and i am too lazy to catch them everytime.
They flie away outside again when i open the window the next morning.
23.06.2025
I got some take away from “Le Pho” and i didn't listen to the waitress who warned me to keep the container steady. I biked home and..
Got soy sauce all over the Walter Benjamin book.
24.06.2025 Fitinn, Edelsinnstraße
19h, it's raining. I am watching a man in the gym who steps to the window to check out the situation, contemplating.
Exactly 10 mins later another man takes his place and the exact same pose as the one before.
25.06.2025
I the 8th district close to Blindengasse there are two statues:
-an ill tempered tortoise which looks at
-an apologetic sealion
On the 6th floor of Angewandte I can see a compelling sunset. Unfortunately I have some new blisters on my feet.
26.06.2025
“My hot take is that mentally unstable people dress more fashionably. “
27.06.2025
Tired and groggy I decided to take a break from drawing a page of my graphic novel.
The apartment has 29 (now 30!) degrees and I am melting. I am looking at different pictures on the internet for some inspiration. New painting idea: a tube, from which a cat is being pressed out inspired by a drawing of Henry Darger. Two people sit on it.
The cat has to look more like “paste”.
My boyfriend sent me a song about Walter Benjamins tragic fate:
28.06.2025
Danubeisland rain
A sudden rain drives away all the bathers from the riverside of the Danube and towards the shelter of the Reichsbridge. Lina and me among them.
29.06.2025
Hospital of the Merciful Brothers
Jesaja makes an impromptu solo exhibition in his hospital room, in which he is recovering from a successful knee operation by himself. He writes in sugar and on paper:
“All visitors bring Joy*, some when the’ re coning some when they are going”
*I think he wrote “Happiness”
30.06.2025
Burgtheater Chess Story
Me and Lina went to the Burgtheater yesterday. Instead of "Heldenplatz" there was a program change to the Chess Story by Stefan Zweig. There was a one man how on the stage. It was incredible, the actor held the tension well and was moving amazingly on the stage.Nils Strunk. As painters we were delighted by the stage design: big coal paintings on movable panels which were in these rills in the stage.
Moene and me look at the stage design at the angewandte festival. We sit inside of the set, a train carriage that is used in the short film one can watch from inside of the carriage. Setception.
Paderborn Main Station, Platform 5
01.07.2025
Cafe Deppe toilet.
Looked like somebody snacked on that toilet seat cover.
2.07.2025
Eiscafé Dolomiti “At Renzo’s”
Conor and me go to Icecafé Dolomiti. The interiors and the prices are from another tike period but in a good way. The owners, an old couple is dancing to "Major Tom" as they make our spaghetti ice cream. I am eating spaghetti ice cream for the first time. Together we lie down in the park until it starts to rain. A perfect afternoon after work.
I was especially fascinated by the ice clown on the menu of Dolomiti. He lets himself melt away slowly and looks melancholic. He seems so tender to me, so human and lost as we all are.
03.07.2025 The Wooly Mammoth of the Jahnplatz Underground
In the Underground station of Bielefeld center, there is a reproduction of a wooly mammoth skeleton in the ground under a grounded glass. Now we are informed: The wooly mammoths were moving around Bielefeld around 20.000 years ago.
04.07.2025 Fireflies Watch
Dano shows me and Christine a place were its possible to watch fireflies after sundown
But its not really getting dark. Its firefly season. We only see a a couple, buts still very nice to be out here. When a frog swallows a firefly and you can still see it glow from the stomach it would be equivalent to a hunan being devoured by an animal and still swiping on Tinder.
"I want love, I want sex!"
05.07.2025 Blue Ball Kunsthalle
I meet Lars and his husband Lorenz Dennis at the Opening of the new Kunsthalle exhibit. Almost four months ago I had one of my first dates with Conor at Lars opening. The new exhibition of Edith Dekyndt "Tell us something that nobody knows" is about the disintegration which happens with the progression of time, damage and reconstruction, with an order ("christallization")and a retracing of the natural world.
In typical contemporary art world fashion there is a performance artist who is in a glass container, eating and spitting out red beets, splatters of beet juice coloring the glass.
I liked the big blue ball the best, that was filled with helium and moved by the AC air and seemed to have developed its own will. Floating through the room.
-Sometimes we find him floating on the first floor even though he is supposed to stay in this area.
-and sometimes he is so lazy that we have to animate him with this stick back there.
06.07.2025 Wunstorf
The Regiotrain is stuck right before Hannover. Masses of Scorpio fans, and, much to my demise, me are stranded here at the Wunstorfer train station. The reason was a fire on the tracks of the railway, they are always coming up with new stuff!
Looking at gross old men piss, what a joy!
07.07.2025
Too bad that I got soaking wet in the rain, but so lucky that Conor made me a cup of favorite (Darjeeling) tea when I got back!
On the way back from the thrift store “Brockensammlung Bethel” I see an intriguing nose and throat specialist office from outside.
08.07.2025 Lunch with Conor, Lars and Tim at Locky Umi.
In the Background: some sort of 8-bit flutes music.
Lars says: “Now I have to watch what I say, it may end up in your newsletter.”
Tim says something in the vein of: "When the old problems are gone we luckily find some new ones.”
09.07.2025
The round-about-dragon at the end of the Voltmannstraße.
11.07.2025 After Hours
Yesterday Conor and me watched a film, which had long been on my watchlist: Scorsese's “After Hours”. A chance meeting leads to a strange date which continues into a never ending nightly escapade that is nightmare-like. At the same time very funny, bizarre- I would love to write a comic like this one day! (write and draw it!)
Papermaché clay sculptures play a key role!
12.07.2025
Bifurcation Orinoco-Melle
Gero, friend of Conor, tells us an interesting Geography fact, related to the song Orinoco by Enya: The splitting of a river flow into another river flow is naturally occurring a rare phenomenon and only happens about 12 times (I didn’t fact check this, but hey, why not!).
-My hometown Melle is a prominent example of bifurcation! Melle-Gesmold.
“Orinoco“ leads/flows into “Rio Negro” and to the Amazonas System.
The river “Else” splits at Melle-Gesmold into the “Hase” and flows through the “Werre “into the “Weser” (all rivers).
13.07.2025
Me and Conor go to the Bielefelder Design College (HSBI) showcases of Bachelor and Master students. Mostly photography and fashion. After that we continue to explore the widespread park world of Bielefeld.
-The FDP (neoliberal party of Germany) gives out 300 free kebabs, they must be really quite desperate.
-Haha, yes.
A dog walks in front of us for a section of the way, he looks at us with knowing glances. What is he planning?
16.07.2025 Strawberry Disaster
Lina is cooking at the studio kitchen, while I inspect my store-bought strawberries, severely disappointed. Most of them had already gone bad.
-Aww... you look too sad! A regular strawberry disaster.
-Man, I didn’t even see it when I bought it.
Lina is going back to Munich in 5 days, which feels much too soon.
Yesterday “28 years later” was playing at Apollo cinema, went there with Nico, Carina and Simon. A post-apocalyptic Family drama with Zombies. The scene where I was most scared depicted a group of blonde children watching Teletubbies.I cycled a lot these last few days, that’s why my legs feel so heavy.
18.07.2025
It's nice to come home and to have the apartment still smelling like the last meal you cooked.
Belvedere 21 house: I was on the toilet at the bar, I closed the stall but somebody was able to open it from the outside and we both screamed. A shock!
19.07.2025
The stage at belvedere 21 looked like a giant baseball hat. A former teacher of Lina was playing there with her bad "Kinky Muppet".
Comfort Zone
Somehow and at some point, we always end up a Mcdonalds late at night. We sit there and talk about our live. This time about comfort zones and what would bring us out of them.
-Nico needs to sing Karaoke
-Why? What does that do? I would rather go to more events, go outside more.
-For me it’s being photographed.
-For me its being naked in front of others like skinny dipping or at the sauna.
20.07.2025 Yesterday after I was texting Conor, which was already helping, I started the book about the 14th century by Barbara Tuchman. An iced coffee had made me super anxious and in this kind of artificially awakened state. So now was the perfect time to read about the black plague and about the Knight of Chauncy.
I was able to sleep after.
21.07.2025 Stadion FITINN, 20th district
My FITINN exploration tour is bringing me to the Stadion shopping mall. I have to go through an employee only entrance since its sunday and it kind of feels illegal.
Then I go through the empty closed mall. An absolute liminal space.
Linas Goodbye Picknick, Donauinsel.
A friend of Lina's, Licas is here with his hyperactive pug Berni. This dog wants to go into the water every 5 minutes, but has enough after 2 minutes.
Goodbyes are always strange.
-we will see each other in November at the latest
-yeess
sometimes its so lifechanging to make a pdf. there are PDFS that you send out that change your life. That's whats just came to my mind while outside the rain is coming down hard.
22.07.25
... now I have the energy to get up and go to paint at the studio!
... now I have the energy to get up and go to paint at the studio!
... now I really finally have the energy to get up and go to paint at the studio!
25.07.2025
Squeaky Ducks
Our class discuss their Parallel exhibition ideas.
A class colleague talks about his exhibition idea, his mobile phone camera now on a row of squeaky plastic ducks.
Put them in resin maybe. To, like, show, disruption.
26.07.2025
Carina and me continue our park exploration of Vienna. Schwarzenbergpark in the 17th district Hernals this time. We see the skeleton of a house with a for sale sign in front that read:
“A forest in the house, a house in the forest”
23.07.2025
How much time of my life is spent in front of the scanner? The fate of a comic artist.
24.07.2025
It is the high season of the soccer field outside. I call them “ my football boys”, I’ve been watching them for so long now. there are communal sporting events on the field sometimes. I see everything from the balcony. The little boys are often very strictly trained.
recently somebody was limping off the field.
27.7.2025 Busstory
Rail replacement chaos in Bielefeld. Conor tells me about a bus driver, this driver asks the whole bus:
“Does anybody know the way?”
A senior citizen stands next to the driver and navigates him through his route.
28.07.25
Today the visual existence of my dryer is stressing me out.
I have spent 7,40 € on a strawberry matcha and I cannot look at myself in the mirror, it wasn’t even good!
29.07.25 Trois Colours: Bleue
I watch Kieslowski's film “Three Colours: Blue.” Juliette Binoche plays a young widow, Julie, who lost her husband, a famous composer and their daughter in a car accident. Unfortunately I have to watch this film in the german synchro.
The movie has such beautiful scenes and colors that I suffer through the synchro.
Julie embodies this theme of “freedom” in a darksided way: death untethers her from her role of wife, mother and muse, we learn that she may have significantly contributed to her husbands success.
-you’re not wearing panties.
-on principle, never.
Despite her striving for isolation, people continue to come into her life, like a neighbor who is a prostitute and who Julie saves from being kicked out of the apartment building.
30.07.2025
I went to the 8th district to visit Lisa Breyer in her studio. A dream situation: her own studio in the same building as her apartment. Lisa is working on a series which uses iconography of saint depictions as inspo.
I drink coffee at 6pm, after consuming matcha and one liter of darjeeling tea.
31.07.2025
The pigeon gang at U4 Meidlinger Hauptstrasse. I see them everytime I go to the gym (FITINN) there.
01.082025
Everytime I eat something I already think about what I’m gonna eat next.
02.08.2025
A beautiful summer morning is threatening me with violence if I don’t go out and enjoy it properly.
03.08.2025
Some days in the studio are so good, I’m in such a nice flow. Things seem to happen by themselves. But other days I feel like I’m just pretending to do something. Everything is super hard.
On the way back home I see an Austrian airlines stewardess give her boyfriend a goodbye kiss. Somehow that moved me.
04.08.2025
Yesterday we (Nico, Carina and me) watched the new Naked Gun movie. Frank Drebin Jr., played by Liam Neeson gets different coffee -o-go cups handed to him in increasingly absurd situations.
05.08.2025
It’s boring to complain at this point, but…Could not at least one time.. a train journey go well between Germany and Austria??
06.08.2025 With Conor at Wienerberg
Look this alien like building… That’s Alterlaa.
07.08.2025
I listen to Conor record his radio show part in the bedroom. During the pandemic a lot of radio people had to
Record their voices under a blanket. I am imagining it like this:
08.08.2025 Bohemian Prater
09.08.2025 Café Malipop
Drawing inside of a drawing
Diary inside of a diary
10.08.2025
Italian brain rot on Graben street..
Next to some Labubus
So 2025
11.08.2025
Laura has these shelves full of collected artefacts. Like the iconic can-crusher frog from japan. Chocolate Boxes from Altman and Kühne.
12.08.2025 An average day
I work on the graphic novel project.
I have this office chair since I was 11.
I am working on an illustration job.
I take away the bottles for recycling (you can get money for this only since this year in Austria).
I go to the gym at Meidlinger Hauptstrasse.
I cook.
I browse the internet/social media on my iPad.
13.08.2025
Two wiener dogs at Arsenal.
Comic regular meetup (Stammtisch) at Cafe Rüdigerhof, Julia is visiting from Karlsruhe.
14.08.2025
My parents are visiting the cultural capital city Chemnitz. From the 20th storey of the hotel my father photographs the Karl Marx Head and simply captions it: „Kalle“ and makes a little circle around him.
15.08.2025
Meidling is so empty. I drag myself through the heat. I force myself not to put on headphones, to not distract myself from my melancholic mood. A crow picks around some McDonalds trash that lies around.
16.08.2025 My father’s birthday.
I painted a T-shirt for him with his favorite concert album „Paul Simon’s Concert In The Park, August 15th, 1991.“
He really really liked it.
Maybe I accidentally ate some moldy toast.
17.08.2025 Sunday Child
I am walking through Otto-Wagner Areal with my parents. After that, an iced coffee at Schutzhaus Rosenthal.
My father thinks, it’s Monday the whole time. Because his birthday was yesterday and he thinks of himself as a „Sunday child“.
A friend (of my parents’), a painter from Braunschweig , always looks at his paintings with the wrong side of the binoculars. (To see them from far away)
It’s Sunday.
18.08.2025
My parents and me and carina went to cafe „Treu am Platzl“ . After that we went to the vacation apartment of my parents to eat some pizza from the freezer. I was eating too fast and burned my mouth.
After that I walked home and listened to „Computer Love“ by Kraftwerk.
19.08.2025 Chess Brawl
I am walking by some chess players at Donaupark with my parents. A loud fight between two of them starts. Will they be throwing fists? We watch them in fascination. There was no physical fight, to our relief.
20.08.2025
I said goodbye to my parents, they are back on the road to Göttingen, as I am drawing this. Then I visited Emma, Lorenz and Titania in their new painting studio place.
I observed a lonely pigeon on the neighboring roof.
21.08.2025 Gasometer
After the studio visit I went to Gasometer, to explore another FITINN branch. Like a castle, it seems, this place. That there is a mall and a college for jazz and pop music inside seems wrong somehow.
22.08.2025 The View from Herrmann Beach Bar
Drink of the week „Sex at Hermann’s“ 6,80 €
23.08.2025 The Monster of Stubenring
The two-headed eagle is ruling over the Ministry of agriculture, regionality and tourism with an iron grip.
I imagine him falling down. Down on me.
24.08.2025 I am painting in the studio
I am starting a new painting, this time on a big piece of paper. Three friends, who sit around a living room and ponder where the night might take them. Inspired by a photography from 2007 by Lena Kurasheva.
Sophie had a shoe problem.
-does somebody have some glue for me?
-so that I can walk home.
I gave her some wood glue.
25.08.2025
So, my head is spinning, but:
100 pages finished of my Graphic novel project!
Time for a vacation
(20.00h coffein crash)
26.08.2025
Conor will arrive late in the evening. He will bring a rolled painting and stretchers from Bielefeld.
I bought some books from Thalia and Shakespeare & Company:
- Hundenovelle by Marion Poschmann
- Play It As It Lays by Joan Didion
- Ecstasy by Irvine Welsh
- The Empusium by Olga Tokarczuk
At Thalia my stomach noise was embarrassing me in front of the clerk.
27.08.2025
Café Prückel is closed due to renovation today. Also if you want to go to the toilet there at this time you have to go to a container across the street.
28.08.2025 Arrival in Opatija
Siblings standing on a narrow concrete bridge between raging ocean waves.
29.08.2025
Conor, looking at his phone.
30.08.2025 A survey conducted with cigarettes
Opatijas summer days are better spend at
a) The Beach
b) the Mountains
At the Bus station: the people of Opatija clearly voted for the beach.
31.08.2025 Rijeka
For 2 € one can visit an old WW II underground tunnel. It has an exhibition of underwater photography, pictures of the adriatic coast.
02.09.2025 Rain on the Ocean
A rainy day. the mosquitos love the moisture. They sting our ankles and heels with pleasure.
A few days ago a chubby little dog (french bulldog) was laying directly in front of the entrance of the Konzum (supermarket).
01.09.2025 Ika Bay, Lungo M. Restaurant
Yesterday I read Didions “Play it As It Lays”, before that “Dog Novella” by Marion Poschmann. Conor is reading Bachmann's “Malina”, all books about mentally unstable women who have trouble existing in their circumstances.
03.09.2025
Surrounded by other peoples beach towels.
Flamingo and lama are floating in this adriatic coast.
04.09.2025 Departure from Opatija
The bus from Opatija to Rijeka is full of elderly people, so many, that even the new old people that get on can’t find a place to sit down. One last look at Opatija.
Yacht in Rijeka.
05.09.2025 A Good Sip
I’m sitting in the Bus to Otto Wagner Areal, my painting class is exhibiting in Pavillon 13 at the Parallel art fair. The bus goes by a funeral home while Seal is singing in my ear:
Ohh, we’re never gonna survive, unless we don’t get a little crazyy
Ohh we’re never gonna survive, unless …
Researching the funeral home I came across this product:
“A Good Sip to Keep on Living”
06.09.2025 Otto Wagner Areal
It is a special place. Pine trees between Sanatorium buildings. It has definitely something haunted about it, considering the history during Nazi times where there were medical experiments on the “antisocial”.
Behind the golden church there is a field. There are even sheep. It suddenly feels like an Alm on the edge of the city.
07.9.2025
Masa is filming her installation. It is in constant movement, the two Spenders, out of which wild shoelaces are “growing”. Above it Masa's painting.
08.09.2025 Donauinsel
Moene had her goodbye picknick at Donauinsel. I don't know anyone besides her and her boyfriend Oleksi. This would have caused me great social anxiety a few years ago, but now is not a problem for me. I care less and less about what other people think about me mostly.
I am the oldest at almost 30.
Moene is going back to Japan. When will I see her again? Everybody is going to Japan, just not me. Maybe next year…
There was a lunar eclipse.
09.09.2025 Rocky I
I watched the first Rocky movie a few days ago. Rocky has turtles as pets, Cuff and Link. Sylvester Stallone still owns them, they are 44 years old today.
10.09.2025 Kendlerstreet
After Parallel: testing yet another FitInn location. It had a confusing layout.The way there was very gray. But you have to be in the ugly parts of Vienna sometimes to humble yourself.
It rained a lot today.
11.09.2025 Rocky II
In Rocky 2 more and more kids are following Rocky while he runs through Philadelphia. Where are their parents? Is it a reverse Pied Piper Situation?
I miss painting. I will try it again today
Parallel people seen from the 3rd floor.
13.09.2025
In the night, at 3.47 am, my self doubt was haunting me. Will more people ever be interested in my paintings? Why is that the most important thing all of a sudden? I rarely sell. It shouldn’t matter. The satisfaction comes from doing it. Am I doing enough? I don’t have enough time or energy, but will it ever get better?
Then I came out of the self pity and fell asleep later in the night.
14.09.2025
Yesterday’s entry is embarrassing to me now, because someone is interested in one of my paintings. Will they buy it in the end? Who knows? But the interest alone means a lot to me.
I know I need to stop comparing myself to others.
Stefan is in town because of the literary festival. Me, him, Nico and Carina ride around the city. Stefan is very bad at navigating.
-is that the Vienna river?
-That is the subway.
-haha Stefan, you know your way around!
-Janne, we have to go the other way!
Okay, I don’t really know how to navigate either, apparently.
17.09.2025 Green Belt
Yesterday, after 10 hours of train ride I go to the 120 minute party where Conor and two of his friends are DJing. Today I’m having a tired day. We walk along the “green belt”, one strip of park after another. A mysterious concrete cylinder? What is its function? “life in danger” Please don’t swim.
This sort of sign seems to only exist in Bielefeld.
The sinking child looks like a scream mask.
The drowning child looks a little like Chucky.
18.09.2025
This would be a good Horrorfilm Location.
20.09.2025 Rheda-Wiedenbrück
The last warm day. We take a trip to visit Conors mom. One cannot judge a cities character by its main train station surrounding area. Prime drabness.
Gellershagen Bielefeld
Im a connoisseur of west German tristesse. A lost place.
22.09.2025 Senne Cemetery
Conor has the idea that we should take a trip to Senne Cemetery. We take an hour going through the city. It’s a giant area. The dead people here are few and far between. Lots of space yet to be filled.
The pines let us think we could be in southern Europe.
The cemetery workers race over the place. Maybe they could run someone over.
23.09.2025 Rocky III
Rocky and Apollo race on the beach. Their muscles seem to burst out of their quads. Their skin is glistening. They’re melting, the chemistry is undeniable.
24.09.2025 Susan Sontag
Today I came across a manga drawing of Susan Sontag in an exhibition about jewish life in Graphic Novels at the historic Museum of Bielefeld.
Is she camp?
25.09.2025
I have booked a train from Paris north over Brussels to Bielefeld. There I can see Sophie and Fabien for a few hours. And Conor only then, in one months time.
Right now he is cooking.
26.09.2025 Göttingen
Slightly with a cold, I only leave the couch bed at my parents to go to the bakery cafe Küster. My old teenage bedroom is now my father’s studio space. Lots of works by him scattered everywhere.
27.09.2025 Göttingen II
A few of my fathers works that are to be found in my old teenage bedroom:
- pictured is my mother; titled “The Girl I Love”
- the scooter riders, behind them plastered: the Financial Times
- below: the observation deck. Next to it my fathers play automobile from the 1950s (?)
- a portrait of me, 20 years old, traced.
28.09.2025
Tunnel near Fürth.
29.09.2025 Rocky 4
Can we take a second to remember that the first rocky movie was a somewhat grounded story set in the working class milieu of Philadelphia? Hardly feasible. Foreboding Chat GPT, Paulie, the most annoying brother-in-law ever depicted on screen, gets subservient robot ersatz wife.
-Beep Beep.
Rocky ends the Cold War by himself.
I feel sorry for Drago, he is not depicted as human. That Russian machine.
30.09.2025 Rocky 5
In the beginning we see the room of Rockys son: he has an aquarium over his bed, what a dream.
Rockys son (played by his real life son!) is a little artist, besides other things he did an erotic drawing, depicting his French teacher.
Thanks to a mistake Paulie makes Rocky loses everything. Back to the rough streets of Philadelphia. Then there is a plot about an unappealing fighter named Tommy Gunn, for which Rocky neglects his son for, for several months. It was not a good movie.
02.10.2025 Sick
& my period started.
03.10.2025 Sick (somewhat)
I’m enjoying the warmth of fresh laundry from the washer-dryer.
04.2025 Junkies
There’s this viennese joke that with the Tramline 18, the 18 stands for the number of junkies present in the tram. A young, seemingly normal looking woman, gets in. She starts slurring
-Theyy belong to us. Those twooo.
Later: Dörfelstraße. A junkiecouple is fighting, she is throwing herself onto the ground, screaming.
-Nahh!! Noooo!
-Please, get a grip on yourself!
The tram arrives. She gets up like nothing happened.
-See you later then!
05.10.2025 Pfefferhof
In between these June tram experiences I saw the first Pfefferhof exhibition: Baurjan, Barbara and Pilar-Riin.
Animated Objects, cast away armor, organic inorganic flow. Iridescent color pallets.
I feel a bit tamped down and melancholic but this feeling could disappear during the course of the day.
06.10.2025
The studio is busy and full. But it’s semester start after all. So nice: Sophie S., studio colleague makes me a tea .
I talk to Conor on the phone for an hour, the time goes by so quickly, I am lying on the floor.
07.10.2025
Went to the studio early to work on illustration commision about travel luggae. Fellow student Anna gave me one of her selfmade cookies. I have the sweetest studio colleagues.
Tomorrow I have to get up early. Nico will transport some paintings to his storage with Neuwinger.
08.10.2025
View from FitInn Wien Mitte : the Invalidenstrasse, while stretching.
09.10.2025 Stye
I am developing a stye on the same spot as two years ago, on my right eyelid. Stress, waek immune system, dirty hands?
Saw a teenager working out in jeans at the gym yesterday.
10.10.2025 Warm Spots
Sophia K. (Arizonakarl) made an exhibition for her bachelor degree, me, Louise and Marcus were a part of it. Titel “Warm Spots”.
A friend of hers, Simon (there are many Simons in Vienna), had an ethereal set of electronic music, that hypnotised me in the best way.
11.10.2025 Infrared
I had ordered an infrared lamp for the stye (which already disappeared). It’s very relaxing to sit in front of that lamp.
12.10.2025 Mauve/U3 Supermarket
I went to Schlachthofgasse to see the exhibition “Der Augenring”. (transl.: the Under-eye Circle).
The weirdness of an optometrist really comes through well. Assembled fantasy glasses, strange taxidermy drawings and mirror-frames. Alchemy, optics and brain regions..
U3 Supermarket: in front of the line a glass bottle falls down. Immediately someone comes to clean it up with a wet hoovering machine. The man in front of me turns to me and says: “Now they’re cleaning our shoes here, too”. I nod and take a look at the mugs on display next to the checkout.
13.10.2025
Yesterday I finished watching the Office and got suprisingly emotional.
15.10.2025 Stress
The last few days I feel my heartbeat quite prominently, is my heart racing?
In the middle of my cycle I have some spotting, not a good sign.
Also the cold I had, the stye…
STRESS
I feel like those little dogs, who always seem naked and are always shaking on their matchstick legs.
16.10.2025
I listen to my signs of exhaustion and stay at home, same as yesterday.
17.10.2025
A shy dog unter the seat in the U4. Only its paws visible out from under it.
18.10.2025
Flak Tower near Neulinggasse, Arenbergpark. The 3rd district has a mystery appeal.
The opening is too full and there is no oxygen and I have to go (6th distric now.)
19.10.2025 Later I will take the night train to Paris with my painting class. I am a little nervous. I hope I can sleep. And that nothing will get stolen…
Tomorrow a visit at the Louvre was planned, but there was a robbery where jewels from the Napoleon era where stolen. The museum is closed for now.
They got away on E-scooters, apparently.
20.20.2025 Paris 1 (Trying to draw Erins story after what I understood she told me happened)
Erins rainboots got stuck in the Metrodoors. (Golden rainboots)
Panic, people are trying to get the doors to open from inside and outside. A strong man pulls Erin from the door at just the right moment.
In Paris there is no safety feature for being stuck in the door, luckily nobody got hirt.
EDITORS NOTE/CORRECTION:
Erin: Actually, Janne, I was less of a damsel in distress than you depicted me, the strong guy was on the other side, opening the door, haha.
(oops)
21.10.2025 Paris 2
In the waiting line to the Musee d’Orsay:
Jesaja and Sára are playing chess.
waiting line entrance
waiting line WC (womens)
waiting line exit
22.10.2025 Paris 3
Boullion République.
The tunnel, in which princess Diana died: heart shaped locks, grieving notes.
23.10.2025 Paris 4
My phone fell down the crack between hostel bed and wall. I crawl into the cabin space under it.
On the way to the Marais Quater with Sophie S. I saw this beautiful shoe/leaf situation.
24.10.2025 Paris 5
-excuse me, madam!
-oh!
-trash is over there!
Yesterday: I wanted to go into the Philip Guston Exhibit at the Picasso museum. I show them my artist pass, but then they politely make me aware of the toilet paper on my shoe!
Now I’m sitting on the Flixbus to Brussels (my train was cancelled). Very exhausted by all the art I had to see this week.
25.10.2025 Briefly Brussels
Yesterday I had a few hours for changeover in Brussels on the way to Bielefeld. There, Sophie picked me up from the North train station and made us a big lunch. (Bavarians call it “Breadtime”) It was so nice to see an old friend again.
26.10.2025 Maikes 20 Years of Bielefeld
Maike celebrates 20 years of living in Bielefeld. She wants to bring all the people together that she met in that time: renting out the Extra-Blues Bar for a private party. She pays for the drinks
“I don’t want to end up as the richest woman in the graveyard!”
Tobias and Nieke are there from Cologne. Also there: Lars, Christine and Timo from Artists Unlimited.
Timo made a Suitcase from a banana box, because Maikes parents made their kids put their stuff in banana boxes for when they were traveling. Only allowing one banana box per kid.
Conor and me make an Irish exit, because I am overtired from traveling.
27.10.2025
Endless Rain
Bielefeld seems to be stuck in endless rainy weather. I enjoy the quiet time with Conor. When the sun makes a brief appearance we go on a walk through the neighborhood, out to the fields.
28.10.2025
Worked on the Graphic Novel at Conors kitchen table.
After that we went to Olderdissen Zoo. I like it when animals have a round shape (chubby).
29.10.2025
Lunch with Maria, Tim and Becci. at Pho Ba Ga. The restaurant owner has a bamboo banner with her face on it hanging there.
The Gellershagen park is illuminated by orange and red leafs.
30.10.2025 Cologne
I visit Tobias, who used to study car design He has lots of different toy cars on his shelfs.
Backstage at Gloria Theater, shortly before Satire Deluxe Live show, where Conor is performing.
31.10.2025 In Transit
On the way to the Cologne-Bonn airport.
A pulsating zit is developing on my upper lip, but that’s okay. ( I popped it later)
01.11.2025
Back in Vienna
I am tired.
(“Procrastination”)
03.11.2025
I spent too much money on a Bánh mì Sandwich.
I start to watch “Lost Highway”, I have to tae a break because i am too freaked out by that pitch-black dark hallway in the film.
04.11.2025
Its the third time now that this white dove is sitting on my window sill. She is watching me draw. For an half hour now.
Sophie was writing me then that it could be a white wedding dove, because white doves don’t occur naturally in the urban environment anymore.
Then I was sad for a bit. She is just looking for her home.
05.11.2025
-I have not looked at Y.
-I have to go to X.
-I have to answer A’s email.
-I need to sort out this work.
-Two exhibitions this week!
-I need to do sports.
06.11.2025 Painting takes a walk
I transport my painting with the subway.
The bubble wrap is the clothing of painting. Without it, it is not allowed to go outside. Only with it it is dressed.
At the exhibition the painting is naked again.
07.11.2025 Vienna Wind
“Cheeezus!”
08.11.2025
Today is the exhibition at Kunstquatier Meidling, but I’m not sure that anybody is going to come. Except for the big hanging canvas painting I set up everything by myself.
I wish I had a month free just for painting with no pressure, that would be my dream.
09.11.2025
Went on a walk (Wienerberg)
Picked up works, Mafalda helped me craft a strap to carry the paintings.
-“Master engineering”
10.11.2025
My throat is scratchy, my voice is hoarse.
When I overextend myself, my body mirrors it to me immediately.
Now I want to do yoga, maybe that will balance me.
11.11.2025
This is how it feels to invite people to come to your birthday.
-Please.. a little.. sympathy
I am still sick and it’s driving me a little crazy.
Every month from now?
12.11.2025 Gloriette
I have to look up the meaning behind this statue. An empty armour, like scarecrow. It jhas something tragically comic. Almost as if it#s making fun of this whole “honor & glory” thing in connection to warriors. And then the two babylions who are desperately cozying up to the armour.
(me: still sick)
13.11.2025 Eurospar
Still sick I go to the Eurospar right around the corner. They know me around there. The street magazine seller (Augustin), I greet him a little bit ashamed because I don’t have cash on me, once again. It’s wet, dark, and the Eurospar is glowing red.
The supermarket prices are way too high, it’s crazy.
Back at home I binge “Selling Sunset”, in which they sell houses in the double digit million range.
-look at this view!
14.11.2025
I really don’t know what to draw today, the cold is neverending. I only went outside for groceries, again.
15.11.2025 Rocky 6 ( from memory)
I wanted to finish off my Rocky series. Some time has passed since I saw the last movie. I will reconstruct, purely from memory, what has happened in that film:
Adrien has passed away and Rocky has opened an Italian restaurant in her name. He wears a leather jacket
Rocky’s son is an investment banker asshole. He doesn’t have time for his dad. Played by Jess from Gilmore Girls.
Then there is a plot with this woman, who used to be the girl from the first movie, who Rocky scolded for her behavior and got on the right path, off the streets. Now she is a single mom. Rocky hires her for his Italian restaurant.
There is boxing. It’s O.K..
-The old man still got it!
17.11.2025 “He doesn’t have a top on”
I have heard this Austrian phrase for the first time. It was in the context of a story about a wolf being hunted in Lower Austria, that doesn’t stand a chance.
So the top that he is missing is a metaphor for a sports team, somebody being out of the game, without a chance.
18.11.2025 Toilet seat
The toilet seat is loose. My father and then my mother have tried to help me in vain to fasten it.
I was also not able to do it. I am incompetent in those things. Maybe I can wish for a working toiletseat that sits still for my birthday.
I will turn 30 in a few days.. i can barely believe it.
19.11.2025 Walking from the S-Bahn Matzleinsdorfer Platz to the Tram Station Matzleinsdorfer Platz
20.11.2025
I tell my dad about a painting by Giacomo Balla, “ Dynamism of a Dog on a Leash”, 1912. I think it’s genius and I wished that I had painted it.
My father says that a lot of my paintings are about movement.
It’s a nicely awkward way to try to capture movement in an unmoving medium such as painting.
21.11.2025 Walking in the Knowing Field, Wels
“Yoga - Qigong - Meditation - Backfitness -Channeling - Walking in the Knowing Fields”
23.11.2025
Conor and me take a little trip to Wienerberg, Vienna's Central park with the skyscrapers in the background. There is some snow leftovers laying around.
24.11.2025 Birthday
At half past noon my mother says on the telephone: thirty years ago now, you weren’t quite born yet. It was at 3.38 pm to be exact. The contractions had started at night, but you took your time to come.
Conor made me a chocolate cherry cake.
25.11.2025 Moses Records
-Now it’s telling me to verify myself as a human. What do you say to this offense??
26.11.2025
For lunch for dinner: dumplings dumplings dumplings!
27.11.2025
I see a note from outside the tram: “Do you ever have trouble concentrating?”
28.11.2025 Café Taxitreff
I celebrate my birthday at cafe taxitreff. Somebody is asking me if I feel “different” yet. I say “not yet”.
It was very nice.
29.11.2025 That’s how it is
Conor, the poor thing, he has to work and to edit the “Cologne Talk”.
Meanwhile I look at stupid things on the internet.
30.11.2025 Vienna Central Cementary
Some gravestones will be demolished soon and they have this red sticker on them: “ user rights have ceased”, which is kind of strange to see..
The Central cementary has its own merch line:
-”greetings from the beyond”
-”here you are laying right”
-”prearrangement is everything”
01.12.2025 Vienna Tiles
Franz is exhibiting in a Salon which is normally private apartment.
I need to start an archive for photos of the tiles on the floors of viennese apartment buildings. (I am too lazy to draw them nicely here)
02.12.2025
The year is over soon, is that possible? I notice things that are left laying around on the pavement.
-plastic bag
-toy skeleton hand, black
A few months ago at the tramstation I saw scattrered Uno playing cards
-it was strange to wake up alone again this morning…
03.12.2025 That Old
I was just thinking about how I offered a seat to this lady last week.
She was very offended and I felt bad about it.
-Do i look that old??
-It was a long day, maybe I’m tired.. But really, I’m not that old yet!
There will come a day when a young woman will offer me her seat and then I will think to myself “But I’m not that old yet!”
(But it was that womans coat, shiny padded, that made me think that she was older than she was..)
04.12.2025
This morning in the tram:
-Yeah, liver failure, they all had it—
-Yeah, Manfred, too. Liver failure.
-Dead, 1988.. from all that drinking.
-Long live the central cemetary , everybodys just dying
05.12.2025 Center Alt-Erlaa
It’s cold and wet. At least one can enjoy the sight of the palm trees in fron of the Center Alt-Erlaa mall.
08.12.2025
I can hardly move my neck. :( I am super stiff and my muscle is in pain.
I overdid it at the gym.
Just turned 30 and my body is already falling apart.
09.12.2025 Traumacreme
I roll around withe the massage ball.. up and down.
The Traumacreme, I put it on that spot. it burns…
10.12.2025
Days full of fog. That sips through ones body.
All of Vienna is in pre-christmas stress mode. Everybody is organizing art advent markets.
I am visited now and again by the pigeon, ahe often brings one or two friends along.
11.12.2025
“Ahhhh”
-A new little wave of a cold is wafting through but going away again.
-I don’t go out and miss out on everything. (no energy)
A harsh rejection email, like cold water over my head.
But its really not so bad. Like an initiation ritual.
12.12.2025 Endless Fog
I get out of bed and cannot see the street across from my window, just the soccer field.
Simmering: One single christmas decorated balcony like a sign of defiance against all the dreayness of the stale modern highrises around it. Makes me be in a more christmassy mood.
13.12.2025 Shang Li (Toilet)
Was at Semmelweisklinik art advent market with Nico and Carina. Then: Shang Li, getting something to eat. After that to Apollo Kino, watching “Now You See Me, Now You Don’t 3”.
14.12.2025 Haul
Things I got at the two advent markets this week:
- Svenja Plaas prints.
- Laura Edelbacher x Glein Baseball hat
- Dana Van der Neut Zine “Mono”
- A joint zine from the people of the booth (see names)
- A caricature of me from Lisa Slawitz.
- Earrings from Jesaja Aljoscha Trummer
- Lisa Braid x Jo Sperl silk scarf.
If I had more money I would have also gotten:
- Leo Hasslinger T-shirt and drawing
- Lisa Slawitz drawing
- Marcus Wagner drawing
15.12.2025
After the Comic presentation: U4 station „Friedensbrücke“. The screen says it will be 14 minutes until the next train comes. Which prompts me to think that I could draw a little bit to pass the time…
… but all of a sudden a train arrives. Saved from the cold.
16.12.2025 „Work Work Work“
18.12.2025 Christmasparty
Lea, Luzie, Max and Gabriel have a suprise music show as „The Sheisslers“. Jesaja was dressed up as Santa and moderated this part of the party.
The ladder Santa Claus.
There was Karaoke singing. I sang „Whole Again“ with Seo and „Werewolves of London“ with Erin.
19.12.2025 From today on… living frugally!
Yesterday: bought an original work by Leo Lunger at Plateau market. And a Susanna Hofer and Amelie Bachfischer calendar for 2026.
But those were all necessary purchases.
20.12.2025 Two Birthdays
Rahel had her birthday party at café Podium. It was soo nice and relaxed. Here you can see the crotched duck named „Henny“ (or was it a chicken?). With a hat.
Next stop was Nikolijas Birthday party at „MMM Espresso“. Everybody is dancing and singing to Serbian music.
Especially because there was live singing and accompanying E-Piano . It was super full and everybody was in a celebratory mood.
The walls were fully covered in photographies of the guests. There was a sequence showing a striptease.
21.12.2025 MMM Espresso 2
What fascinated me: the walls of “MMM Espresso” were filled with the whole range of life experiences: strippers, birthdays, weddings, maybe even birth and death.
Leo wanted to keep us hanging on when telling his story about his crush, I had to leave in the middle of him telling his story to catch a night bus that never came.
22.12.2025 Mouse Jail
Is located close to my old Kindergarden.
23.12.2025
My mom tells us during a walk at Kiesse:
-I am addicted to knitting. A knit-addict, that is no fun either!
24.11.2025 Christmas
The Maggi Christmas ornament, which was gifted to me by Nico and Carina, is the standout on the tree.
At Schillepark; a man swings his dog back and forth obnoxiously with a stick, the dog has bitten into the stick with great force. it keeps on coming back to be swung around on the stick.
25.12.2025
Christmas Eve I played a board game with my parents: “The dative case is the death of the genitive case.”
Later my mom fell asleep with a boys choir blaring loudly from the TV. I turned it off.
26.12.2025
Yesterday: a walk with the only friend from school I still keep in touch with, Antonia.
Today, Conor will arrive, finally! His mother’s car wouldn’t start in the morning, probably because of the cold. He barely made it, running to the bus.
27.12.2025
At Cafe Inti Rüdiger, an old friend of my parents shows up, what a lovely surprise! They haven’t seen each other in three years.
While looking for a parking slot at the translation: a car decoration is cause for a jump-scare with its “Saw” and “Friday the 13th” masks.
28.12.2025 Berlin 1
Perit Halijaj: An Opera out of Time at Hamburger Bahnhof
29.12.2025 Berlin 2
-Should I make myself puke to feel better?
(I didn’t do it)
Yesterday, at the family gathering/birthday of Conors cousin I suddenly felt sick. I couldn’t eat anything. What was that about? Probably my period.
Today I feel better again. Conor and me walk through the Lichterfelde small gardens named “Colony Evening Quietness” towards the bus that will take us to Stieglitz.
30.12.2025 Berlin 3
In Lichterfelde, which is supposed to be a quiet Berlin suburb, Erich, the husband of Conor's aunt tells us about a criminal incident: shots were fired in front of a house. The suspects escaped through the “Colony Evening Quietness”. The man who was shot at offers 5000€ to anyone who has tips about suspects. Supposed clan criminal disputes.
Conor and me go to Savigny Platz, Paul P. and Sophie M. are cooking for us. We play “Balderdash”,
a game in which you have to make up definitions for words.
On the way back we sit on top of the double-decker bus and it feels like we are floating through the night, like in a dream.
31.12.2025 Sylvester
The ducks walk upon the surface of the frozen over pond at Gellershagen park. One of them is sliding around again and again. I feel sorry for the duck.
I am looking forward to a quiet Sylvester with Conor.
01.01.2026 New Years Walk
Udo Lindenberg Silhouette made of steel in a garden in Bielefeld Gellershagen.
02.01.2026
At Pho Ba Gai I sit on the toilet and as I reach back for the toilet paper…
… I think about how strange it is to have a consciousness and to control…
… this vessel made of flesh and water with my mind.
04.012026
Yesterday: The first snowfall.
Conor and I walked up Johannisberg.
In the evening there is a “East Westfalia/ Cologne” themed dinner party organized by Thomas, a friend of Conor's.
-Steckrübensuppe- Turnip soup with pumpernickel and apple
-Halve Hahn- Rye bread roll, butter, fat piece of cheese, pickle, mustard, onion, paprika powder (surprisingly good)
-Pickert- a Westfalian pancake served with liverwurst or sugar turnip syrup
-Ostwestfälische Götterspeise (translation.”divine food”) - creme, sour cherry, Baiser, toasted crumbled pumpernickel (black bread), hacked chestnuts
(very good)
- a barrel of Kölsch beer by “Schreckenskammer” (translation of brand name: “chamber of horror”)!
05.01.2026
-Do you want some of my magnesium vitamin B12, vitamin B6 pills?
-you never said anything so romantic to me!
06.12.2026
It is very cold, freezing. In the evening we are invited to Kosmas, he is cooking for us, Gero and Tobias.
07.01.2026
The only thing I seem to be doing all day is putting comic pages into InDesign documents.
I am devoted to the layout gods.
08.01.2026
Wading through the snow to see the screening of Christines film at Ajhpm. You could see and hear the film from outside.
09.01.2026 Twin Peaks
Over the last months I watched the first two seasons of Twin Peaks with Conor. As well as the Film “Fire Walk With Me”. Its one of the best of the genre “small town with a weird seedy underbelly.”
Fire Walk With Me
I want to paint this scene with Laura and Donna, standing in Lauras living room.
A disturbing film, maybe Lynches saddest one.